Need a laugh?

darkanddietwithlime · Post by **darkanddietwithlime** » Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:07 am

Thanks Everyone for the Laughs....Here's one I got in email yesterday!

He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it
I said to him . . .... You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ... .. ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me.. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ....... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him .. . They don't have time

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. . I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. ...... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . . A widow.

He said to me . .. . Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him ... ....... . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

pipanale · Post by **pipanale** » Sat Nov 28, 2009 9:28 am

I don't know if it will make you laugh, but it's a chance to do some more parental bragging.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ipTjh9PIj9A

Some of you have seen this already, but, for the rest, enjoy.

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:51 am

Maryland Crabs

A man boarded an airplane in Baltimore with a box of
frozen crabs and asked a blonde, female crew member to
take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised
to put it in the crew's refrigerator.

He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally
responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he
was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would
happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to
announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave
me the crabs in Baltimore, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up , so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:
1. Men never learn.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most men think!

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 8:52 am

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:28 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Thu Dec 10, 2009 5:29 pm

JT · Post by JT » Thu Dec 10, 2009 8:05 pm

Very funny, Shoe!
Check this one out. It was a Christmas display from somebody with a sense of humour. The police requested that it get taken down, as they almost wrecked their cruiser when they first saw it.

LysaC · Post by **LysaC** » Fri Dec 11, 2009 9:45 am

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said,

'Jesus knows you're here.'

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.

Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard

'Jesus is watching you.'

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.

Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.

'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'

The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'

'Moses,' replied the bird.

'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'

'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 9:57 am

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 9:59 am

mindehankins · Post by **mindehankins** » Fri Dec 18, 2009 12:22 pm

Ha Ha!!! That's a good one!

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:21 pm

With Wednesday being my last work day this year my Friday's jokes will be early

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:24 pm

shoemak38 · Post by **shoemak38** » Tue Dec 22, 2009 5:26 pm

and the last one for this year

<a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/27134057@N04/4206645249/" title="humour by SHOEMAK38, on Flickr"><img src="http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2672/420 ... a71d82.jpg" width="430" height="500" alt="humour"></a>

California Girl · Post by **California Girl** » Mon Dec 28, 2009 2:39 pm

A clip from one of my all-time favorite videos... Elephant Parts by Mike Nesmith!

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