Aging parents

[Connie]

Mom is on her way home tonight via the Bro. I decided to step back and let him step up. We don't agree on anything. Hospital wanted her to go rehab for just a week, which I thought would be good for her. Bro made it absolutely clear that wasn't going to happen. So it's on him now.

Doctors and nurses think that her UTI was the cause of temporary dimentia. She is so much better today. Sounds like the old Mom.

We are determined to keep her in her home as long as possible. That is her wish. Hospital is sending in some home care, but I still want the companion for her. I just think it will be nice for her and the companion is use to taking care of the elderly.

After going through all this with Mom, I hope I die before I get old.

[Marcia (Mrs. Pete)]

The other benefit of the care giver is that he/she will be an objective voice for you all to hear, about her situation.

Best wishes, as always, as you go through this. Keep us posted.

[Connie]

Just an update.

Mom is home and my brothers have really stepped up.

She's still a little confused. Thing is, she knows she is. Never has been able to tell the difference between a remote control and her phone, and still can't, so we just laugh about it.

I really can't figure out if this mini stroke or UTI has made her worse. I guess only time will tell.

There is a nurse coming once a week and she will get physical therapy and occupational therapy a few times a week. The companion will be there 3 days a week which will really help us out.

We're going to Florida next Thursday, a family visit and I'm scared to death to go. I guess a couple early morning drinks at the airport and a Valium is in order.

Thanks everybody for your help. I REALLY appreciate it.

[PA Girl]

Glad to hear things are more peaceful and your mom is feeling better. I hope you can enjoy your trip.

[cocosmom]

Connie,
Glad to hear things are getting better and your brothers are stepping up. Go to Florida, enjoy your time and let your brothers take over. You deserve it!

[ski2play]

Connie,
Glad you are getting away. You have earned this one girl!

It is so hard to do what you are doing. We are getting ready to take FIL out of assisted living and back to his cottage for summer. He will need the same assistance you mom is getting (nurse, companion, etc). I am super nervous but glad we can get him back there for one last summer. It is the only place he is truly happy. He has been diagnosed with moderate dementia and it is so hard to watch.

This thread was a great read and really made me feel that we "all" are not alone in this aging parents thing. Thanks.

[Terry]

Luckily my parents passed quickly. My husband's Dad had this disease and passed quickly.

Bless you for having to go through this process. Hang in there.

[Connie]

I really feel for everyone that is going through this. I feel like I have my Mom situation under control for now. I just hope I can get on the plane. I love my husband more than anything, so I know he will help me.

[Connie]

Wow, how things change so fast. My brother goes over in the morning to get her breakfast. It hasn't been a good morning at all. She is depressed, weak and did not realize where her chair was and almost fell. She understands that she's getting worse and is crying all the time.

She thought I was already in Florida, although I've told her many times I don't leave until Thursday, she just doesn't understand.

I feel like this is getting to the end for my Mom. A woman that lost her husband, my Dad when I was 9 and my brothers were 14. She was responsible for 3 children, no job, never drove and still, she was able to raise us with no problems.

I'm going over this morning to sit with her and I'm going to try to talk her into coming to our house. I don't know if it's the right thing to do because she always wanted to be in her house, but I worry about her constantly.

I just feel drained and confused myself.

[ski2play]

Connie, we are here for you, the ups and downs of this disease are so unfair to the patient and the family.

[verjoy]

Connie, is your Mother receiving any of the dementia drugs? Once she was in the nursing home they gave our Mom Namenda and it helped for several months but the effects eventually wore off. I wished at the time that her own doctor had prescribed something like before it became necessary to put her in the nursing home. She might have had more quality time at home if he had. Mom doted on her doctor, but when I took her to her appts. and told him what was going on, he just ignored her decliine.
I know this doesn't sound likely, but some folks thrive in a nursing home. My aunt lives in Florida and we are her closest relatives. When she had a series of strokes in summer of 2001, my husband and I were packing to drive down and bring her back with us so she could be near family. At the last minute she decided not to come, afraid of the cold weather, I guess. Anyway, she managed to stay in her own home until 2006 when she had more strokes and social services intervened and put her in a home. We went down to see her on her 100th birthday in Oct. 2009 and she knew my Mom (her sister-in-law) right away. The rest of us, she had to be reminded who we were. Anyway, now my Mom is gone and Aunt Dot is still living at 103. I asked when we were there if she was still singing "It ain't gonna rain no more" to her caregivers when they get her up in the morning, and they said "Yes, and don't get her started!"

[Connie]

Verjoy, because this is so new to us, we have not talked to the Dr. About any medication. Her blood pressure is really low, so he has chaned medication for that.

The caregiver/companion came today and she's great. Of course, she's taken care of the elderly and dimentia patients for years. I feel a lot of relief because she's there.

It's given me the time to tidy things up around our home and get ready for Florida. It's given me time to actually think and be able to be organized.

All I want to do is relax and not think. Get on the beach, walk, sight see.

[ski2play]

All I want to do is relax and not think. Get on the beach, walk, sight see.

Rinse, Lather, Repeat!

Soon, Connie, Soon.

[cocosmom]

Connie, so glad you are still going to Fla. Relax and let your brothers take over, it is their turn.

[michigan girls]

So sorry you're going through all this. My father was diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Dementia a few years ago. A few months ago he fell off a ladder and was hospitalized for several weeks. The decline since his accident has been extreme. I took him and my mother with us to St. John this year. It was great to see him enjoying himself, but we did have some difficult times. He wandered off in Cruz Bay a couple times and we had a hard time finding him. He got a bad sunburn on his feet and I was having a really hard time getting my mother to tend to it at night and when I wasn't right there during the day. I know she's overwhelmed, but I didn't expect to have to do all the "babysitting" of him on this trip, with my own daughter and some needy newbies to deal with, so that was pretty stressful. My sister is no help, she simply insists he must go into a home. Although she lives right next door (on acreage my father gave her), she hardly ever helps out. I have been really trying to talk my mother into getting at least a part time companion in the home (my mom still works - mostly because she says she has to get out the house). A couple of my friends were just mortified at my fathers tendency to wander up to strangers on the beach or in the restaurants and start talking to them, although everyone he did that with could not have been nicer. I just feel like my mom has totally given up on dealing with it, my sister is no help, and with owning my business, I work about 16 hours a day, 6 days a week - making it hard to be there as much as I'd like.

I'm thinking you as you find a way to deal with this, I know how hard it is. Glad to see you're getting away, I told my husband when I got back from this latest trip that we really needed to do the same, just the two of us. Try and find some relaxation while you're away and lean on your husband for support - sounds like he's a good one