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54b's STJ Trip Diary (Day 2 - Chasing The Rum Runner)
54b's STJ Trip Diary (Day 2 - Chasing The Rum Runner)
Happy Friday, Forumites (why does that always sound so prurient when I say it...don’t answer that).
First off, my sincere thanks for all the encouraging feedback from my first installment…of course now the pressure’s on and I may need to go see A-Rod’s cousin in order to deliver 7 more crowd pleasers. Hopefully I don’t let you down…
One other aside…As some of you have alluded to from my first day, the frenetic pace I set (and my wife begrudgingly agreed to) on this vacation is not for the feint of heart, it’s more for the lush of liver. I certainly have nothing against the majority of STJ beach jockeys who prefer to sleep in and tell island time with a sundial. By all means, to each his or her own. I say Lime away!
But be forewarned, I make no apologies for sleeping macho, going commando, and doing more before 9am than most people do on their entire vacation.
So while I may not “get St. John” by your Caribbean barometers, I got it…and as you’ll read below, had one hell of time doing it.
Day 1 (Monday, June
– “Chasing The Rum Runner”
6:09am – Wide awake! Why, because someone did not close the curtains the night before and our cottage is presently lit up like the Hollywood studio set for the production of, “Sleeping On The Sun – The 54b Sleep Deprivation Story.” If you’ve ever stayed on STJ near the summer solstice, you know what I’m talking about…
6:10am – After a 16-hour travel day and consuming enough rum and cokes to liberate Cuba, my wife was in no mood for a “jolly rogering” from her frisky pirate husband, “54-Beard.” So I said, “darrrrrrrn,” like an uber-polite STJ pirate would, and decided to let her sleep in while I went for jog…or so I thought.
6:37am – Presently giving birth to my spleen somewhere on the outer loop of
Great Cruz Bay Road, also known as the 10th Circle of Hell…I know this because there was an old man name Dante (or is he the Grim Reaper) sitting outside his villa laughing at me as I ambled by mumbled breathlessly, “get me the manager, this is no way to run an island…”
STJ TRAVEL MYTH BUSTER #3: Though it is true that the only thing flat on St. John is your white butt, jogging is NOT impossible, nor prohibitive. It can be done and very rewarding at the same time…even for a 6’4”, 240-pound Texan who looks a lot like one of those unfortunate cement trucks reprising the role of The Little Engine That Shouldn’t on Centerline Road. For the uninitiated STJ-Jogger, the only way I know to describe jogging on STJ is to liken it to running the hills of San Francisco with added bonus of New Orleans-style humidity (in August). Good times.
7:13am – Simmering in the Meritage pool while miniature, Kamikaze tree frogs hurl themselves at my volcanic, steaming forehead. Seriously, what is up with the animal kingdom on St. John? Regardless of size or stature, every critter here is completely fearless when it comes to human interaction. Even the plankton poops bigger than Charles Darwin here.
8:34am – Burning daylight along the Lind Point Trail on approach to Salomon Beach when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a jolly, old man flashing his white, pasty rear…my first thought, “oh my naked eyes, it really is a nude beach.” Fortunately for me, my wife, and the VI-Online Censorship Committee, Mr. Sans-a-pants was merely changing into his bathing suit to go snorkeling…or at least that’s what I told my wife as we scurried to the other side of the beach.
8:37am – Hooray, Beer! Saluting the “STJ Travel Forumite” who invented the game, “Get In The Water & Drink A Beer” while working on the application to submit it as a demonstration sport at the 2012 Olympics…though I’m sure drinking in the English Channel is not quite as sportacular as Salmon Bay (especially when you have to go pee…and don’t lie, you know darn well that warm wave didn’t originate in Fiji).
10:12am - Snorkeling around the point between Salomon and Honeymoon beaches (short, fun, decent place to try out your gear) and testing the hermetic seal of my new Aquapac 6000 or whatever superfluous number the company came up with to market what amounts to a $35 Zip-Lock Bag with an adjustable belt.
Just A Tip: Though it’s highly unlikely someone would steal from you on STJ, if leaving your cash, credit cards, and only form of ID on the beach while you’re out snorkeling makes your pucker conch up, the Aquapac is a nice piece of peace (and 60% of the time, it works every time provided you don’t try to stuff it like a turkey…learned the hard way…my pain, your gain).
10:47am – Playing “Get In The Water & Drink A Beer” again when the Stealth Bomber of sea creatures came swimming by about 10 feet away from us. It was huge, black, with white spots and as I recounted to the National Enquirer later, I think it had a penchant for beer. I know what you’re thinking and no, it was not Catholic Priest…as we’d find out from the other beachgoers, it was an Eagle Ray and I’d spend the rest of the week trying in vain to find another. Even without a mask on, it was one of the most majestic and beautiful things I’ve ever seen. And I can promise you this (put the earmuffs on the kids), if that thing ever finds Nemo, Mr. Ray ain’t taking that little clown fish to school, he’s taking him to lunch.
11:17am – Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got the Deli Grotto - New Yorker in my tummy, and I feel like a-telling you that it’s one deliciously good sandwich…especially after heating it up in my convection backpack, garnishing it with some back sweat, and serving it on a white, sandy beach. Good tip forum and Domo arigato, Deli Grotto.
1:11pm – Driving just past the Hawksnest Beach parking lot when my wife and I channeled Abbott and Costello…
“Oh sweet, a parking spot outside the Gibney Beach Gate is open.”
“Who…what…wait, you’re seriously going to park here?”
“Like a glove.”
“What…why?”
“It’s Gibney, I read about it on the forum. It used to be private, but Robert Oppenheimer’s daughter hung herself and left it to the children of St. John.”
“Come again.”
“You know, Oppenheimer, guy that invented the Atomic Bomb.”
“This is his beach.”
“Well, not anymore.”
“Is it safe?”
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any radiation left.”
NOTE: Though my wife is still questioning why she ever agreed to marry me, Gibney Beach was by far her favorite beach on St. John. Points!
3:20pm – Quintessential Limin’…secluded beach, nobody around for at least 100 yards, just my beautiful wife and I under some palm trees nursing a couple of cold ones with our eyes closed listening to the surf…ah, perfection…and then Cousin Eddie and his brood showed up in their floating RV to re-populate the beach. Nearly a quarter mile of open coastline to the right of us and where does the cast from Lord of the Flies choose to park the S/S Platypus? Yep, right in my kitchen.
“DON’T BE A DINGHY” PSA: Hi, I’m 54b, you may remember me from such St. John educational films as: “Driving on the Right Side of the Road Can Kill a Buzz” and “Mongoose Road Pizza – Delicious But Deadly.” People, we all know Ugly American beach invasions via inflated dirigibles are as certain as short hairs on a bar of soap. But please respect those beachgoers who came before you and if possible, please don’t make your dinghy encampment a permanent fixture on their horizon.
5:39pm – Tubthumping Woody’s Murderers Row drink list - He drinks a Painkiller…He drinks a Bushwacker…He drinks Lime n’Coconut – and he gets knocked down by the “Cold Cock Trio.” But he gets up again just in time for dinner.
6:43pm – Inhaling some Crazy Cracker’s Mahi Fish Tacos (decent but I miss Duffy’s) up in the tree fort when God decided to give Cruz Bay a bath…and apparently we were very dirty because a man name Noah came by wanting to know if we had any spare Kapok lumber.
No worries though, in St. John, when it rains, it’s just an excuse to pour more drinks. Write that down.
Coming Sooner or Later: Day 2 – “I Got Soul, But I’m Not A Soldier Crab.”
First off, my sincere thanks for all the encouraging feedback from my first installment…of course now the pressure’s on and I may need to go see A-Rod’s cousin in order to deliver 7 more crowd pleasers. Hopefully I don’t let you down…
One other aside…As some of you have alluded to from my first day, the frenetic pace I set (and my wife begrudgingly agreed to) on this vacation is not for the feint of heart, it’s more for the lush of liver. I certainly have nothing against the majority of STJ beach jockeys who prefer to sleep in and tell island time with a sundial. By all means, to each his or her own. I say Lime away!
But be forewarned, I make no apologies for sleeping macho, going commando, and doing more before 9am than most people do on their entire vacation.
So while I may not “get St. John” by your Caribbean barometers, I got it…and as you’ll read below, had one hell of time doing it.
Day 1 (Monday, June
– “Chasing The Rum Runner”6:09am – Wide awake! Why, because someone did not close the curtains the night before and our cottage is presently lit up like the Hollywood studio set for the production of, “Sleeping On The Sun – The 54b Sleep Deprivation Story.” If you’ve ever stayed on STJ near the summer solstice, you know what I’m talking about…
6:10am – After a 16-hour travel day and consuming enough rum and cokes to liberate Cuba, my wife was in no mood for a “jolly rogering” from her frisky pirate husband, “54-Beard.” So I said, “darrrrrrrn,” like an uber-polite STJ pirate would, and decided to let her sleep in while I went for jog…or so I thought.
6:37am – Presently giving birth to my spleen somewhere on the outer loop of
Great Cruz Bay Road, also known as the 10th Circle of Hell…I know this because there was an old man name Dante (or is he the Grim Reaper) sitting outside his villa laughing at me as I ambled by mumbled breathlessly, “get me the manager, this is no way to run an island…”
STJ TRAVEL MYTH BUSTER #3: Though it is true that the only thing flat on St. John is your white butt, jogging is NOT impossible, nor prohibitive. It can be done and very rewarding at the same time…even for a 6’4”, 240-pound Texan who looks a lot like one of those unfortunate cement trucks reprising the role of The Little Engine That Shouldn’t on Centerline Road. For the uninitiated STJ-Jogger, the only way I know to describe jogging on STJ is to liken it to running the hills of San Francisco with added bonus of New Orleans-style humidity (in August). Good times.
7:13am – Simmering in the Meritage pool while miniature, Kamikaze tree frogs hurl themselves at my volcanic, steaming forehead. Seriously, what is up with the animal kingdom on St. John? Regardless of size or stature, every critter here is completely fearless when it comes to human interaction. Even the plankton poops bigger than Charles Darwin here.
8:34am – Burning daylight along the Lind Point Trail on approach to Salomon Beach when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a jolly, old man flashing his white, pasty rear…my first thought, “oh my naked eyes, it really is a nude beach.” Fortunately for me, my wife, and the VI-Online Censorship Committee, Mr. Sans-a-pants was merely changing into his bathing suit to go snorkeling…or at least that’s what I told my wife as we scurried to the other side of the beach.
8:37am – Hooray, Beer! Saluting the “STJ Travel Forumite” who invented the game, “Get In The Water & Drink A Beer” while working on the application to submit it as a demonstration sport at the 2012 Olympics…though I’m sure drinking in the English Channel is not quite as sportacular as Salmon Bay (especially when you have to go pee…and don’t lie, you know darn well that warm wave didn’t originate in Fiji).
10:12am - Snorkeling around the point between Salomon and Honeymoon beaches (short, fun, decent place to try out your gear) and testing the hermetic seal of my new Aquapac 6000 or whatever superfluous number the company came up with to market what amounts to a $35 Zip-Lock Bag with an adjustable belt.
Just A Tip: Though it’s highly unlikely someone would steal from you on STJ, if leaving your cash, credit cards, and only form of ID on the beach while you’re out snorkeling makes your pucker conch up, the Aquapac is a nice piece of peace (and 60% of the time, it works every time provided you don’t try to stuff it like a turkey…learned the hard way…my pain, your gain).
10:47am – Playing “Get In The Water & Drink A Beer” again when the Stealth Bomber of sea creatures came swimming by about 10 feet away from us. It was huge, black, with white spots and as I recounted to the National Enquirer later, I think it had a penchant for beer. I know what you’re thinking and no, it was not Catholic Priest…as we’d find out from the other beachgoers, it was an Eagle Ray and I’d spend the rest of the week trying in vain to find another. Even without a mask on, it was one of the most majestic and beautiful things I’ve ever seen. And I can promise you this (put the earmuffs on the kids), if that thing ever finds Nemo, Mr. Ray ain’t taking that little clown fish to school, he’s taking him to lunch.
11:17am – Yummy, yummy, yummy, I got the Deli Grotto - New Yorker in my tummy, and I feel like a-telling you that it’s one deliciously good sandwich…especially after heating it up in my convection backpack, garnishing it with some back sweat, and serving it on a white, sandy beach. Good tip forum and Domo arigato, Deli Grotto.
1:11pm – Driving just past the Hawksnest Beach parking lot when my wife and I channeled Abbott and Costello…
“Oh sweet, a parking spot outside the Gibney Beach Gate is open.”
“Who…what…wait, you’re seriously going to park here?”
“Like a glove.”
“What…why?”
“It’s Gibney, I read about it on the forum. It used to be private, but Robert Oppenheimer’s daughter hung herself and left it to the children of St. John.”
“Come again.”
“You know, Oppenheimer, guy that invented the Atomic Bomb.”
“This is his beach.”
“Well, not anymore.”
“Is it safe?”
“Yeah, I don’t think there’s any radiation left.”
NOTE: Though my wife is still questioning why she ever agreed to marry me, Gibney Beach was by far her favorite beach on St. John. Points!
3:20pm – Quintessential Limin’…secluded beach, nobody around for at least 100 yards, just my beautiful wife and I under some palm trees nursing a couple of cold ones with our eyes closed listening to the surf…ah, perfection…and then Cousin Eddie and his brood showed up in their floating RV to re-populate the beach. Nearly a quarter mile of open coastline to the right of us and where does the cast from Lord of the Flies choose to park the S/S Platypus? Yep, right in my kitchen.
“DON’T BE A DINGHY” PSA: Hi, I’m 54b, you may remember me from such St. John educational films as: “Driving on the Right Side of the Road Can Kill a Buzz” and “Mongoose Road Pizza – Delicious But Deadly.” People, we all know Ugly American beach invasions via inflated dirigibles are as certain as short hairs on a bar of soap. But please respect those beachgoers who came before you and if possible, please don’t make your dinghy encampment a permanent fixture on their horizon.
5:39pm – Tubthumping Woody’s Murderers Row drink list - He drinks a Painkiller…He drinks a Bushwacker…He drinks Lime n’Coconut – and he gets knocked down by the “Cold Cock Trio.” But he gets up again just in time for dinner.
6:43pm – Inhaling some Crazy Cracker’s Mahi Fish Tacos (decent but I miss Duffy’s) up in the tree fort when God decided to give Cruz Bay a bath…and apparently we were very dirty because a man name Noah came by wanting to know if we had any spare Kapok lumber.
No worries though, in St. John, when it rains, it’s just an excuse to pour more drinks. Write that down.
Coming Sooner or Later: Day 2 – “I Got Soul, But I’m Not A Soldier Crab.”
It’s not about yesterday or tomorrow...It’s about today, for come what may – Sun, rain, or hurricane – we've only time for a smile, and none for sorrow
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Boston Mike
- Posts: 974
- Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2008 5:41 am
- Location: Boston, MA.
Domo arigato - HA!
3:20pm – Quintessential Limin’…secluded beach, nobody around for at least 100 yards, just my beautiful wife and I under some palm trees nursing a couple of cold ones with our eyes closed listening to the surf…ah, perfection…and then Cousin Eddie and his brood showed up in their floating RV to re-populate the beach. Nearly a quarter mile of open coastline to the right of us and where does the cast from Lord of the Flies choose to park the S/S Platypus? Yep, right in my kitchen.
“DON’T BE A DINGHY” PSA: Hi, I’m 54b, you may remember me from such St. John educational films as: “Driving on the Right Side of the Road Can Kill a Buzz” and “Mongoose Road Pizza – Delicious But Deadly.” People, we all know Ugly American beach invasions via inflated dirigibles are as certain as short hairs on a bar of soap. But please respect those beachgoers who came before you and if possible, please don’t make your dinghy encampment a permanent fixture on their horizon.
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA
oh geez this is entertaining!
3:20pm – Quintessential Limin’…secluded beach, nobody around for at least 100 yards, just my beautiful wife and I under some palm trees nursing a couple of cold ones with our eyes closed listening to the surf…ah, perfection…and then Cousin Eddie and his brood showed up in their floating RV to re-populate the beach. Nearly a quarter mile of open coastline to the right of us and where does the cast from Lord of the Flies choose to park the S/S Platypus? Yep, right in my kitchen.
“DON’T BE A DINGHY” PSA: Hi, I’m 54b, you may remember me from such St. John educational films as: “Driving on the Right Side of the Road Can Kill a Buzz” and “Mongoose Road Pizza – Delicious But Deadly.” People, we all know Ugly American beach invasions via inflated dirigibles are as certain as short hairs on a bar of soap. But please respect those beachgoers who came before you and if possible, please don’t make your dinghy encampment a permanent fixture on their horizon.
HAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAAAA
oh geez this is entertaining!
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piscesgirl0314
- Posts: 598
- Joined: Thu Sep 25, 2008 12:31 pm
- Location: Chesapeake, VA
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sailorgirl
- Posts: 1644
- Joined: Mon Oct 30, 2006 3:03 pm
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aroobagirl
- Posts: 316
- Joined: Fri Apr 13, 2007 2:58 pm
- Location: Fairfax, VA
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msgcolleen
- Posts: 1497
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 8:33 am
- Location: Allen, Texas
You need to write a STJ travel book! You crack me up!
You don't need to post pics cuz I can totally visualize all your zany adventures.
Round 3 please
You don't need to post pics cuz I can totally visualize all your zany adventures.
Round 3 please
I've got 2 tickets to paradise~Pack your bags we'll leave tonight!
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