USVI-On-Line

What are your thoughts on this tradition?

Call me "Old fashioned" but I strongly believe in it..
nice gesture..
Scoob

I think it's a good step towards respect between the young man and his future Father-In-Law.
However, I'm not sure many young people of today even know of this tradition. Unless he watches alot of Hallmark movies (LOL),he might not be aware of this sign of respect.

I think it depends on family culture.

My father would have thought it was odd and so would have I. Frankly, I would have questioned how well my (now) husband knew me if he thought that was something I considered to be important. I was on my own for years and completely independent of my parents.

On the other hand, I have female friends that even into their late 20s and early 30s that expected this particular act to be performed.

Like so many other elements of planning a wedding, it is a potential hot button.

I think it is a little weird. John did not ask my Dad and I would have been annoyed if he did. My Dad would have thought it was strange too. I was not my father's property to give away or deny access to. Back in the days of dowrys etc. I could see a purpose to asking, but now it just seems like an outdated tradition to me.

It seems outdated to me, as well. I could see them coming to us as a couple, together, to discuss their plans. But, I don't "own" any of my children so they certainly are not mine to give away.

Pete (Mr. Marcia) wrote:It seems outdated to me, as well. I could see them coming to us as a couple, together, to discuss their plans. But, I don't "own" any of my children so they certainly are not mine to give away.

Now Mrs Marcia is making me feel old

Had not being thinking about that stage of our lifes

However when that time comes I agree with Pete

My daughters married in 2008 and 2010. Both of their guys asked their father for permission. We live in MD and it is a normal thing to do by their friends. A Southern thing? Remember these kids grow up calling their neighbors or family adult friends by Miss Joan or Mr Tom. Some may think it is silly but I love it! Sounds very respectful to me.

Asking for a woman's " hand in marriage " is based on the assumption that the female is a possession to be passed from father to husband .

Anne Marie Porter wrote:Asking for a woman's " hand in marriage " is based on the assumption that the female is a possession to be passed from father to husband .

Yup, that's the part that troubles me. It is particularly ironic given that the daughter who is the subject of this thread is a womens' studies major, doula and studying to be a midwife. No male owns her.

Hey, are you the STJ wedding person?

I think my father asked Don to marry me

I would have been fine if Don did ask for my hand; and I couldn't imagine my wedding without having my dad walk me down the aisle.

A lot of marriage traditions are based on the same or similar assumptions, but are now just "traditions" that you choose or not.

We became engaged and no one was surprised; I do not think any one asked for or gave my hand. My father did tell my husband that there was no warranty for me. I guess that stuck... it has been almost 44 years and he has not returned me.

It's funny -- my husband and I aren't very tradition-bound; we've been together for ages, and we lived together for years before we got engaged.

But the day before he asked me to marry him, my husband called my mom and asked for her blessing -- sort of different from asking for my hand, since he already had that (and my heart!) long before.

Anyway, my mom was totally thrilled -- it meant a lot to her (and I think she especially enjoyed being in on the 'secret' a day ahead!). But if he hadn't called her, that would have been fine too. I think it definitely depends on the personalities involved.

Although asking for someone's hand may have initially seemed paternalistic and controlling, the way I interpret it today, it's just a sweet tradition. I see it as a sentimental "passing on of the baton" meaning "I would like to care for her, from this point on....." Not that anyone needs to be cared for or is property of any sort.
I just see it as sweet and sentimental.

Our daughter just got engaged in December. She (25) and her boyfriend (30) have lived together for a year and a half. He came to talk to both of us a few days before and I am so pleased he did. It was very respectful and kind of him. Did we "expect" that he should? No. Did we appreciate it? Yes. And although we both knew that they love each other, it was really special hearing him say out loud how he loves her very much and had never felt this way before.