USVI-On-Line

All depends on the family & relationship dynamics.

Do what feels right!...

These days I would say don't expect any traditions to be met unless you have made the expectation clear. We are much more "global" and "diverse" than we were 40, 50 years ago...we live in the melting pot, right?

Everybody has their own thoughts about this. I wish my Dad was around for husband to ask him. Mom was, but I missed my Dad not knowing.

When my daughter got engaged her fiancé had a long talk with us about their future and I really appreciate that now because he died before they even got married.

Just cherish the happy moments.

Pete (Mr. Marcia) wrote:

Anne Marie Porter wrote:Asking for a woman's " hand in marriage " is based on the assumption that the female is a possession to be passed from father to husband .

Yup, that's the part that troubles me. It is particularly ironic given that the daughter who is the subject of this thread is a womens' studies major, doula and studying to be a midwife. No male owns her.

Hey, are you the STJ wedding person?

Yes, Pete . I am the STJ wedding person . stjohnweddings.com

So, my daughter's boy friend met with all parents, to ask for their blessings, before he actually asked my daughter to marry him. The whole thing was respectful, fun and made the engagement a part of our new family story.

I appreciate the gesture. I think it's a bit of a right of passage of sorts. I'm sure my daughter told him years ago that he had to go through this ritual before proposing and he did. And, he did it well. I ended up meeting his parents, his grand parents and seeing the ring before the big proposal.

So, this next winter, Anne Marie, we might be thinking about a little wedding on STJ.

Marcia (Mrs. Pete) wrote:
So, this next winter, Anne Marie, we might be thinking about a little wedding on STJ.

like

Chip spoke to my parents the night before he proposed and I am glad that he did.
He did not ask for permission, he talked with them about his plans and asked for their blessing.
I also think that if the bride's parents are paying for the wedding, then the conversation should happen in advance. It is the respectful thing to do, in my opinion.

As a wedding planner, I see too much of tradition get thrown away for what is new and trendy, but that is a whole other post

I think it's a great tradition, but one that depends on circumstances to an extent. I did not ask my father in law because I did not care what he thought.

Future son-in-law did ask me for my blessing though. I really appreciated the gesture, although he knew what my answer would be.

As far as the question "What if he had said no?" That's funny because that happened to a some friends of my daughter. Potential groom was a year away from finishing pharmacy school and the bride was also a year away from her undergrad degree. They wanted to get married in six months time, before either one was on their own. Dad said no, he couldn't agree to a wedding when neither of them could support themselves.

The guy went back and created a spreadsheet showing their assets and expenses and got a letter from the pharmacy where he was interning saying that he had a job upon graduation. Went back to the dad a couple of weeks later and laid out how they were going to make it. If I remember the story right it took a couple of sessions but dad was finally convinced and they got married and are happily out of school and doing great.

We're pretty traditional down here in central Illinois.

It is definitely expected that the son-in-law asks for the father's blessing.

I have a little girl who just turned 3 and I sure hope her husband to be is respectful in this way 20ish years from now

Well I agree with all the modern ladies who feel that I am not anyone's property, but what about the poor girls who have been brought up that way and their poor father pass away beforehand. That kind of sucks, right? Does the groom to be then ask the mom?