USVI-On-Line

Even Hemingway would have had trouble describing a week on St. John. As many of us know, it's just a very unique place and a different way to vacation because it's the complete opposite of all those commercials for all-inclusive Caribbean resorts where you barely have to lift a finger all week. And I swear, the more I talk about St. John to someone who's never been, the more I sound like a guy describing a visit to the Endodontis as "the best root canal ever."

Hey, no biggy, right? The fewer people out there that "get" STJ, the better for those of us who do. But we're social creatures darn it. And invariably, we will yearn to share the place we love most with our loved ones, especially loved ones willing to split the cost of a villa and babysit our kids.

But how do you know if someone will "get" STJ? It's an important question because people who don't "get it" not only have a bad time, but they make sure you have a bad time too. And since conventional wisdom is not going to work here - because even being the most positive, energetic, outgoing, free spirit in the world doesn't guarantee you'll "get" STJ - I've devised my own "54b Tested" and "Mrs. 54b Begrudgingly Approved" questionnaire for determining if someone will "get" STJ.

Relax, it's only one question....in 15 parts:

1a) If you don't need an alarm clock to get up at 3am to catch a 6am flight to St. Thomas, you might "get" STJ.

1b) If the scent of Deep Woods Off makes your significant other more attractive to you, you might "get" STJ.

1c) If you've ever drawn a happy face on a mosquito bite that caused a bump the size of a quarter on your forehead during dinner, you might "get" STJ.

1d) If when you say, "feel the burn," you're referencing the thermal viscosity breakdown wreaking havoc between your irritatedly bright red inner thighs after hiking back from the beach in a wet bathing suit, you might "get" STJ.

1e) If you find the challenge of removing sand as enjoyably futile as the extrication of those curiously short hairs that inexplicably appear on your bar of soap in the shower, you might "get" STJ.

1f) If you've ever stuck a knife in a condiment jar allegedly left in the villa fridge by the previous family so that you could figure out if it's still edible, you might "get" STJ.
(Villa Studies 101 - If the knife falls over, the mayo's good. If it sticks straight up and down, run.)

1g) If you've ever poured expensive white wine into an empty plastic water bottle so that you could consume it on a beach, you might "get" STJ.

1h) If you deem going from the beach to the pool to the hot tub to the shower to be the natural rinse cycle of life, you might "get" STJ.

1I)) If you teach your kids that "catch and release" only counts when the little lizards crawling all over your villa actually get to keep their tails, you might "get" STJ.
(Relax PETA, no lizards were harmed in the making of this list.)

1j) If you think vertigo is a medical condition that you eventually just grow out of, you might "get" STJ.

1k) If hearing the words, "Eagle Ray!!!," actually makes you think twice about leaving your 7-year old alone while snorkeling in the middle of a bay, you might "get" STJ.
(Kidding, just kidding.)

1l) If finding a piece of sea glass is more exciting than finding a $5 bill on the ground, you might "get" STJ (or be rich as hell.)

1m) If you've ever spent the better part of an afternoon writing "Hi Jim" in 20-foot letters on the beach just to say hello to a friend who went to Heaven sooner than you would have liked, you might "get" STJ.

1n) If you've ever jokingly ordered 8 Painkillers only to gasp as the waitress brings them to you without blinking or breaking stride and then laughed and given them away to strangers sitting near you at the Beach Bar instead of making the hard working waitress take them back, you might "get" STJ.

1o) If you've returned from a beach vacation and gotten sentimental after finding some sand in your bellybutton, you might "get" STJ.

Feel free to add your own.

[UPDATE]
Loving all the responses...keep'em coming...here's another one inspired by my extremely cool wife:

1p) If you've ever used a "Drink Right Keep Left" frozen drink as both a salve and an oral medication for relieving the pain of a wasp sting, you might "get" STJ.

1p) If you STILL stop or do a slow pull over at the North Shore overlooks even after you’ve been to the island X times already and/or you’ve already been on the island for Y days already, just because the time of day and/or the clouds and lighting is different, and you just want to see what it looks like NOW and gaze at it AGAIN for a minute or so, then you might “get” STJ. (conversely, anybody who is with you or who may be prone to ask “why are we stopping here again – didn't we stop here the other day?” might NOT get it)

1q) If one of the first things you do without batting an eyelash when you get to the villa is to put the Cruzan in the refrigerator even though you wouldn't ever think of having booze in your fridge at home, then you might “get” STJ.

1r) If you actually stop worrying about having limited or lame cell service and start worrying more about how many “beach read” books to bring, then you might “get” STJ.

1s) If when you get back from an extended stay on St. John, and you have trouble remembering some of your most frequently used passwords and log in credentials, then you might “get” STJ.

Here are a couple:

1a) If your idea of blow drying your hair is two windows rolled down on the way to dinner, you might "get" St. John.

1b) If your idea of "fine china" is a clear plastic cup, you might "get" St. John.

1c) If flip flops and a clean t-shirt mean getting "dressed for dinner", you might "get" St. John.

Chip

Have to laugh out loud and agree with all points. Counting hours now, no more counting days!

1a) If you find driving on the left easier and more natural than driving on the right, then you might "get" STJ.

1b) If you find yourself talking with that island lilt to your words, then you might "get" STJ.

1c) If you work 3 jobs all year just so you can take 1 (or if really lucky,2) week(s) of vacation on the Rock, then you might "get" STJ.

1d) If you have "St John Brewers" labels framed and hanging in your bedroom, then you might "get" STJ.

I could go on and on, but want to leave some for the rest of you!
Nancie

1t) If, while at home, you think twice about flushing the toilet after using it...you might "get" STJ.

1u) If you get up during the night and have to check VIOL beforre going back to bed...you might "get" STJ.


JIM

If you constantly feel the need to read the virgin-island-on-line forum and St John's trip adviser.

*If your idea of breakfast in paradise includes sharing your Donkey's Mess with a few donkeys, then you might "get" STJ

* If you measure a relaxing day at the beach by the number of sharks, stingrays, and barracudas you encountered, then you might "get" STJ

jmq wrote:1p) If you STILL stop or do a slow pull over at the North Shore overlooks even after you’ve been to the island X times already and/or you’ve already been on the island for Y days already, just because the time of day and/or the clouds and lighting is different, and you just want to see what it looks like NOW and gaze at it AGAIN for a minute or so, then you might “get” STJ. (conversely, anybody who is with you or who may be prone to ask “why are we stopping here again – didn't we stop here the other day?” might NOT get it)

If they stay in the car they definitely DO NOT get it. Happened to me, swear!

1aa) If you can pack for 17 days on the island in one small carry-on then you might "get" STJ

1ab) If you only need to know what day it is so you can decide where you are going for happy hour then you might "get" STJ

1ac) If you think eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and oreos on a deserted beach is a amazing culinary experience then you might "get" STJ

If you think a chicken burrito and a Bushwacker at the Beach Bar is the perfect Christmas dinner, then you might "get" St. John.

You think about having a beer for breakfast, and then go for it!

1b. - not bug spray but sun screen for us. My husband's tshirts never lose the smell of sunscreen. When were are home after vacay and I hug him, the smell takes me right back.

1f. - it might say something about my habits but I wouldn't touch leftover mayo but would have zero problem with leftover booze.

1g. - guilty

Additions-

If you never thought twice about letting your kid dress as a pirate every single night when going out to dinner in Cruz Bay. Or, as I described myself to another forum member meeting up with us as "I will be with a little blonde pirate."

If you think of non-STJ spending in "STJ dollars" as in "I am not buying X,Y or Y because that is equal to one night at Caneel or x% of a villa...."

If you find yourself trying to compare EVERY blue color you see back in the Midwest to the colors of the water in STJ at various beaches and various times of day you might get St John.

If your family rolls their eyes at you each day when you bring up something about St John, you definitely get St John.

If you get a present from your daughter with random pictures of blue water and a game to be played called, "Which island is this color from?" (including a close up picture of a swimming pool - just trying to throw me off) you might get St John.

Thank you for making me laugh out loud 2 nite! So real! So true! :You get it! D